Green Eyes Lost

The day they told me you were lost

I felt my heart begin to frost.

Your cheeks, and your eyes, and your childish laugh

Are some of the things that now make me sad.

Why weren’t we enough, the people who loved you?

Now your memory can’t be subdued.

All of our memories are stuck in my head

They won’t bring me peace now that you are dead.

What was a heartening memory

Now feels like it’s killing me.

Your lips and your hugs and playful stare;

Your words and your worry, you always cared.

You knew we would be there if you made the call

We loved you so much we wouldn’t let you fall.

You screamed as you pushed and you shoved

You felt as if you were no longer loved.

We fought for you and the needle won

but do not think this war is done.

I’ll remember you

as a happy boy, a friend, and a lover

I’ll think of you

in the grass, the trees, the sky and places yet to discover

I’ll be forever upset and angry and in misery

as I sit and regret the last words you said to me.

painful_memories-369808


This poem represents the grief and anger I feel from the recent loss of a childhood friend.  We grew up together in that important transitional era of our childhood where you are no longer a child but a kid rushing to be a teen so you can rush to become an adult.  We were close and did everything together.  We were children together playing outside in the rain and the snow and then we were kids hiding in apartment building hallways having make out sessions that lasted for hours.  I will miss him forever.  He played such an important role in the early stages of my developing personality and character that I would not be who I am today if he had never been a part of my life.  I am very fortunate that I told him that at a time when he needed to hear it.  I will always wish I could have been more for him but a friend was all I could be in the end.  I tried my best to make it enough and it just wasn’t.  Drugs will always win.  The needle is always friendlier because it comes with a pain so enjoyable it’s easy to forget.  A piece of me was lost with him.  I hope we are taking care of each other… R.I.P my dear GreenEyes

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