The Perils of Social Anxiety Goes Beyond Face to Face

   

I missed my chance to write about the democratic debate.  I had a lot to say at the time.  I love watching the debates.  I watch the Republican ones for entertainment value and then later I’m sad because I know there are people out there that take those people seriously and that hurts my heart a little but it’s my brain that is the most befuddled and bruised by this.

    I don’t have very many people in my life that pay attention or, hell, even vote!  My sister is the worst when it comes to politics.  She baits you into an argument then spends the rest of the time acting like Chris Matthews: cutting you off at every turn then treating you like you’re incapable of answering because she wouldn’t let you get a full sentence out. I wouldn’t mind so much if she didn’t Kevin Bacon every discussion with ISIS.  She’s a one-issue voter…is there a worse voter?

   I had these comments and observations during the debate but no one to share them with and that is disappointing. I had my Twitter open and I hovered over the keys to participate in the #DemDebate but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  Who has anxiety about tweeting? This girl. Like everything else, I was bombarded with the what if’s of it all. It sucks.  I remember once (maybe I already told this story), when I was about 15 my mom sent me to the corner store for toilet paper.  I hated going to the store in general.  I always brought someone with me.  I’d get so scared of the stranger behind the counter that I would freeze.  What if they wanted to converse with me?  What would I say?  What if I said it wrong?  What if I sounded stupid?  And then, to my horror, on this night she asked me to go, there was no one around to accompany me and I had to buy her toilet paper?  Of all the things! She promised no one would say anything about the toilet paper and that I should view this as a challenge.

  I bring my one roll of toilet paper to the counter and I, as calmly as possibly so he doesn’t see my hand shaking, try to fish money from my pocket.  What does the guy say to me?  He doesn’t say hi or ask about my day, he asks why I’m in such dire need of one roll of toilet paper.  Who asks someone that?! I was mortified, horrified, panicked! I don’t think I responded.  If I did it was probably something mumbled.  The experience only worsened my anxiety.

   I felt this same heart pumping sense of dread over the possible outcomes of a potential tweet.  What could be so bad about it?  The trolls were paying attention to Trump mocking grownups having a debate that didn’t include belittling, slandering or making statements like “I know a guy…” They probably wouldn’t have noticed my tweets. Please click here for an ultra funny version of Trump as your neighbor who knows a guy.  If anything, I might have met a person or two I could converse with about politics, I wouldn’t care if the conversation was virtual only.  I probably missed out on a thing or two, who knows…anxiety blows.

    I felt insecure and unsure about my observations.  Has anyone said anything about O’Malley pointing out Wasserman Schultz’ reluctance to discuss real issues and how he was happy to finally get this debate started? He’s made headlines with this issue before but he wasn’t afraid to say it in a way we all knew she finally heard it. I wanted to tweet about it but I just couldn’t.  What if I remembered something wrong?

    I am hearing all of this nonsense about Clinton saying being a woman automatically makes her administration different from Obama’s.  That’s a given, woman.  Would Obama have said “I’m black” if asked the same about his admin from Bush’s?  Not likely. Currently, women are preparing across the country to fight for rights and equality again.  The last thing the feminist movement needs is a woman trying to be the first “woman in power”  by announcing she’s different because she’s a woman.  Seems a little counterproductive to me.  Full equality does not make room for gender-based assumptions.  I prefer not to judge your abilities by your sex but by your qualifications, your experiences and even your mindset; anything but your gender.  I didn’t hear Sanders say his admin would be different because his hair is already white and Obama’s still working on gray.

   I also wanted to tweet about Clinton’s method to deflect.  What she couldn’t apply her gender to she chose to remind us that she is better than any Republican; the continuing conflict and widening rift within the GOP make any of their candidates unstable and harmful to our rebound from Bush (that’s basically what Obama’s presidency is about, the rebound from the fiasco that was the Bush administration). I’m sorry but that is not a reason to vote for you in the primaries.  Try again during the debates for the general election– if you win.

   Kasper wishes he could pay attention but he is too preoccupied with work and spending his time not reading stuffy articles laden with preset opinions.  It takes some effort to pay attention and isn’t it funny that those that can’t afford not to pay attention are the same that can’t afford to pay attention?  It sounds borderline conspiratorial (haha?).

   Maybe one day I will find the courage to tweet something not synced to WordPress.