I think I may have finally gotten over the baby fever Stilla passed on to me a few months back. I knew I would catch it the second she started talking about how tiny JJ is– he’s 4 and wears a size 6 jeans, he’s only tiny compared to her bursting-with-hormones teen boys. I haven’t seen her since September (when she was all, “ew, you voted for Obama, get out of my house;” seriously, how did she not know up until that point?) and before that I had only seen her 5 or 6 times in the last 4 years, all of those visits being this year. She hadn’t said much about JJ other than asking why he wears a leg brace (mild right-sided spastic weakness/CP) and that he looks almost exactly like me, until she brought Jimbo over. When he saw JJ for the first time since he was born she was suddenly going on about how cute he is and how he still has a little baby voice and how much she misses having babies and little ones. I felt the itch begin in my throat in that moment. I should have sent JJ away to play to begin repelling and disinfecting the area.
It wouldn’t have mattered what I had done that day; I already caught whiff of the new baby smell a few days earlier when I started to map out how I would pick the baby items I want for keepsakes. I don’t think I should have another baby but every time I open JJ’s overflowing closet to start separating for donations I’m overwhelmed with the feeling of not being done. I know, Republicans already hate me for the same reasons I shouldn’t have a baby: I’m disabled, live in housing and receive food and healthcare assistance; a baby is obviously the last thing I can afford (yeah, I totally made this political somehow). Most of our baby furniture broke with JJ, the fourth baby to use them, so we’d have to buy a new crib and playpen and whatever else we threw out.
And of course, there’s the I almost died during my first delivery and second pregnancy thing. And there’s my meds to consider and seizures…so you see how complicated this whole thing is? It’s just smarter, wiser, to be done with it. Does Medicare even cover prenatal care? They refused to cover a lab for yeast infection because apparently older women don’t have yeast infections? Is that even possible? What would I do if I ended up pregnant and they don’t cover prenatal? Would it fall back to Medicaid? Insurance is so confusing (amirite?). The longer I pro/con this, the more convinced I am that I should stop with my two boys.
So, since winter is coming up, it’ll hit my area of Texas by late December and be gone by February, I’m going to round-up all of my baby, toddler and preschooler clothes, blankets, coats and toys and donate them. I also have a bunch of women’s work clothes (blouses and slacks from my retail days of yore) to donate so I need to find a place that will accept all of it and make sure there’s no one to profit except those in need of those items. I need to decide if a women’s shelter, homeless shelter or the Ronald McDonald house is best. I have no idea how to research that either.