A couple of months ago I wrote about how I accidentally discovered that my natural body scent is kind of peppery; still weird. Shortly after I made that post I started wearing deodorant daily again. I usually forget to apply some if I’ve no plans to leave the house but for some reason I kept remembering. I found out something really disturbing: When I wear deodorant, by the end of the day I smell pretty rank. It’s awful. I think I have the weirdest body chemistry of any woman in the history of woman-dom… It’s depressing.
I can’t describe how disappointing it is to be non-feminine and be a woman. I feel like there’s endless pressure to be pretty just because I’m not ugly; I can’t be pretty because I don’t know how and I can’t afford it. And by pretty I mean removing and covering up as much of my natural self as possible. Honestly, I don’t want to be pretty if hiding or removing physical parts of myself is what it takes.
It’s really obscene if you think about it. Men don’t have eyebrow trends; they don’t even have to go as far as making sure everyone can clearly identify the separation of one brow from the other. I don’t follow brow trends; mine actually kind of look like Cersei’s up there with less perfection. I actually get a lot of compliments on my brows since I do them on my own (let me have my one thing) but I have a lot to work with so I can shape them however I want with time.
I bought this white t-shirt the other day at this crummy outlet store that no one with actual money/pride would dare step foot in (I go every week). I love this shirt; it fits me perfectly. It makes my mommy belly look like I work out– like I have time for myself instead of kids. It makes my B-cup boobs look perky and it’s thin so it hangs comfortably if I don’t wear an undershirt. Today I did wear an undershirt because JJ’s school was closed for Veteran’s Day and I didn’t want to deal with the ugly looks people pass when I wear this shirt with my black bra shining through and a kid at my side. The shirt is tighter with the undershirt and it’s white so when I stepped outside this morning and the humidity slapped me in the face I ran back inside trying to figure out what I can do to avoid armpit stains.
I could have taken off the undershirt or changed my shirt but I decided against both options. I have enough anxiety with the idea of people staring at me while I limp through town; I really didn’t want to add that “she’s a slut and horrible mother” stare to it as well. And, this shirt may have only cost me $2 but I’m not going to not wear it because humidity makes my armpits melt into it.
I’m sure most of us have seen a scary Facebook picture linking deodorant to breast cancer. I won’t share one of those but this pic I did share makes me feel like it doesn’t take a genius to see how this may potentially be connected. I don’t like to put on deodorant right after I shave for this reason (no idea if this is paranoia), so when I came inside after feeling the humidity, I realized I had never put any on after my shower, where I shaved. I decided to keep it simple; I used baby powder with cornstarch in it (that’s what the label said). I had to put it on a balled up piece of toilet paper and quickly smear it on because of my disability but the results are in:
I applied small amounts of cornstarch baby powder to my armpits around 9:30 a.m. It was my only application of the day. I was out and about town until around 2:30, an hour+ into the hottest part of the day. I kept the door open until about 5:30 cleaning, doing laundry and even napping on the couch where I woke up clammy and sticky. With or without deodorant, by this time of day (almost 7) I usually have a bit of odor built up. But now, as I whiff my armpit, I smell only baby powder. The rest of me feels on the verge of oily but when I swipe my armpit, it’s dry. I see no yellow stains but I have no idea how long it takes those to build up. I’m really hoping this is a solution I haven’t been actively looking for. I just figured that, like my sideburns which no other woman seems to have, this is something I have to do my best to live with. Also, if cornstarch baby powder worked, imagine the money I’d save! And, actual baby powder isn’t half as strong as baby powder scented deodorant (which I find really offensive to the nose). And if this doesn’t work and I find yellow stains in the armpits when I pull this out of the dryer next, I’ll have an excuse to try this life hack which I see in it’s comments the blame of stains goes to the deodorant itself? Hmm…is that so? This accidental experiment is getting deeper than I expected….