NaBloPoMo # 18[?]
Today is the first of Kasper’s four day weekend. I’m worried we’ll argue the whole time; we fight like siblings sometimes. I knew to expect an argument within this four day period but I didn’t expect it to be the morning of his first day off; what a horrible way to start his holiday break! It really doesn’t help that last night was a fail; JJ totally soaked his bed while Kasper and I were getting it on and going at a good and rowdy clip. There’s almost nothing worse than hearing your son’s tiny little voice calling out “I peed the bed” while your hubs is behind you and you’re screaming into a pillow. I’m sure there’s a little tension left from that because I was no longer in the mood after stuffing piss soaked sheets and blankets (and a pillowcase and stuffed animal) into a washer.
We’re both introverts in our own ways. I’m your classic introvert; I have tons more hobbies than friends and I could spend days alone and not feel lonely; but I’ll feel lonely in a house of 20 people if I can’t get 20 minutes alone every so often. He’s a very generous person, so much so that he sacrifices his alone time for the sake of others (me or the kids). Some might think sacrifice is a strong choice of wording but an introvert would understand the meaning. Maybe his idea of “Kasper time” is being alone around people he loves? I can’t tell; he gets cranky when spoken to like he’s being interrupted or something. I understand this feeling because I get that same irritation in my chest when I want to be in my head but don’t have the opportunity so I have to deal with people-ing. I can’t help but think that’s what’s going on with him but then why won’t he go be alone when he can?
For the first few years, with a few exceptions, we were pretty solid. We were both hardcore stoners and gamers; we preferred staying in and watching movies, gaming and smoking than going to the bars or clubs. He’s one of the few people I’ve ever known that I could spend so much time with while also having a sexual relationship together. I’ve always had to have a separate friend (usually a male) that was my confidant and Kasper quickly became both. He understood that I spend a lot of time in my head and that I like to do things that don’t involve other people. I think he preferred this over other partners that may have relied on friends and self-maintenance to keep them company [not that there’s anything wrong with that].
Here we are: 10 years, two kids, a stroke and a new set of teeth later fighting like brother and sister over some of the stupidest shit you can think of. We really don’t have much to argue over. We are average and do have that one thing all our big fights circle round to but pretty much everything else is small and trivial. Today’s argument?
I wanted to mop the front of the house but he wanted to mop the boys’ rooms.
Holy shit, really? I had this set plan in my head of how I was going to chore my way through the day and he was trying to offset it. It pissed me off. It’s so incredibly stupid of me. He’s no better though because, like a brother, he picks and picks. I tried to keep my cool by telling him to just do it all because I only wanted the front of the house done, you know, where all the juice trails and dirt stains are. Of course, that gets worse because the mocking begins and he doesn’t understand that while he’s mocking me he is being completely childish.
In order to keep this from becoming something worse, I go to the bedroom where he follows me asking why I have to be in there. I tell him there’s no point in talking about anything while we’re both all steamed up. And there isn’t a need for it. He slams the door, I lit a bowl. This is how all of our arguments eventually end . I smoked that bowl of delicious green alone, in the quiet of my room. I didn’t think about anything; not the argument or how my injured brain would have to learn to deal with a bump in her schedule or how my need to do things in order completely ruined his morning.
I came out afterward and started folding laundry. He went in next. When he came back out I complimented him on the floors he had mopped and he helped me put away the laundry. Then we planned for him to mop the boys’ floors tomorrow while I clean the bathroom.
I know people pop downers or alcohol after arguments with their spouses or during stressful times and they can’t function on an active level for hours afterwards. I know people who openly admit to abusing their meds to “escape” the pressure and/or arguments of their relationships or jobs. How is this better? Just because it’s legal? I’m sorry but I’d rather smoke a bowl of delicious herbals and deal with issues in a laid back, functioning, manner than to pop a pill and hopefully not pass out on my face. At least I can continue on with my day even if smoking pot isn’t enough. It’s best to separate yourself from the issue at hand, allow breathing room between you and it but personally, I feel a little bud helps the situation even more. There’s nothing like a little fog to help push out the cold trying to settle within you. At least that shit dissipates, unlike the flooding rivers of alcohol or heavy bricks of downers.