Comparing My Life To Trash Is A No-Win For Me

   I spent  Christmas evening and the following afternoon with MIL; by Sunday morning I was completely depressed.  It wasn’t a sad depressed but the I’m-deactivating-my-Facebook-and-removing-myself-from-social-life-temporarily kind of depressed.  When it comes to mother-in-laws I guess I’m pretty fortunate that she’s not too bad.  She’s nice…the kind of nice that makes you want to tear your own eyes out because you have to be nice back to her, but nice is better than evil, so I hear.

   munson2    I have a brother in law that is a total loser.  Kasper calls him Munson because he looks like Munson from Kingpin when he takes his hat off. You don’t expect it when you first meet him.  He has dark facial hair and a deep voice with a thick country accent and his arms are reasonably hairy, too.  So when he removes his hat to wipe the sweat off the gleaming surface of his scalp beneath it, it’s a bit shocking.tumblr_lzi2kah4zx1qaqps8o1_500.jpg

   Alopecia aside, this dude is a real POS. His wife is no better; a very strange individual severely lacking in individuality in every form.  I try not to classify people as “FOX viewers” but…you know ’em when you try to converse with ’em and it’s not a fun trip down Repeat Thoughtlessly Lane with these people.

   After my stroke, MIL wanted to buy us one of those shed homes, whatever, to put in her front yard.  Okay, look, I’m from the north where people don’t live on the front lawns of family.  It’s intrusive, impolite and stick my nose in the air but it’s not some place I ever want to find myself without exhausting every other possible resource and/or avenue, first. It’s not because I think it’s trashy but because I moved out from under my parents’ thumbs at 19 for a reason.  There comes a point where depending on your family financially is a burden to everyone involved, yourself included.

   I live in housing, I receive SNAP, and I have Medicare, QMB w/Medicaid.  I need what these provide like every family.  Would it be right of me to put this burden on my in-laws just to keep from “leeching” off a system I paid into since the age of 14? Kasper is working again which means more cash and a little less “benefits” and it does mean we eat out a time or two a month, we do buy some clothes we want but don’t need (from outlets) and a few other unnecessary extras… The reason I’m listing this out is because I know my in-laws.  If we had accepted their offer instead of reaching out to our government for the assistance we need, all of our choices, decisions, and purchases would be under intense scrutiny. They would announce and question the cost of our grocery bill, why we bought new school clothes instead of getting them from a church, why we felt it necessary to buy our son video games for his birthday instead of clothes or something he needs. With the government’s help instead of theirs, we can make these decisions comfortably and only worry about the in-laws’ uncalled for judgments the few times a year we see them. I report nearly every cent in and out of this home but we still have freedom within the limitations set by our government and the only people we really have to worry about is assholes like this guy who think they have every right in the world to “call people out” for their purchases.  What a dick, right?!

   It takes a lot for me to keep my mouth shut around my in-laws.  I’m super liberal compared to them: I’m pro-choice, feminist, egalitarian, pro-environment and anti-poverty.  To them I am a succubus of intelligence, meaning I suck it out of everyone around me and use it as a life source without applying its properties to my actual life.

   My sister in law who is very anti-“Obamacare” has recently become sick and despite their cries for doing everything possible to protest the law, they had to get insurance to cover her multiple tests which resulted in the finding of some type of blood cancer as well as something with her womanly insides.  Do you know how hard it was to keep any and all smug comments to myself?  I really wanted to shout the most obvious:

Wow, good thing Obamacare made it so she can’t be denied or only get  ridiculously overpriced insurance thanks to “Obamacare.”

I know there are things wrong with the law but without it…where would she be?  Oh and then there’s the second part I wanted to mention and didn’t:

It’s a good thing “Obamacare” is here for her now that the Planned Parenthood’s in her area have all been closed just before her diagnoses.

And I am quiet.

   MIL goes on to tell me that Munson and wife moved out of wife’s mom’s house because she apparently got tired of them being around.  He claims the only thing he thinks might have gotten to her is that he’s always turning off lights because that was his bill (no rent, food, water, or anything else).  So she kicked them out, daughter with newly diagnosed cancers and all.  Now they live in a little travel camper on the property of his work where he doubles as “security” so he can park there rent-free.

    So, do you see why I’d rather rely on the government my taxes has helped keep “functioning” and not family?  I told MIL situations like this is why I’m glad we chose housing over family.  She then told me housing isn’t so bad but fraud is so rampant and:

That’s why we should do away with income tax


   So, why did this make me some sort of depressed/angry?  The answer is simple.  I end up analyzing my life and comparing it to the POS bro-in-law I have as if his life is anything to compare to.  I reevaluate our situation and the decisions and events that brought us here and I wonder how things could have been different.  I wonder “why” a lot:  Why are we dependent on our government when this loser isn’t?  Why are we on food stamps and they’re not even though only he works?  Why do they have new cars and we just bought our first car and only because the other shat in the middle of a freeway?  Why can they get kicked out and find a new home that isn’t provided by the government?  And then I remember:

   They’re draining everyone around them and they live in other people’s homes who buy their food.  When someone gets fed up with the mooching, they’re in their new car making phone calls before it gets shut off.  I’m sorry, call me trash, but I’d rather be on the phone with my government than having all of my friends and family ignoring my phone calls because I’ve already taken what little they had to offer.  If I had it in me to care so much about their business, I might wonder who helped them get that mobile camper since they have terrible credit.

   I feel better writing this out.  Maybe I can shove past this mild depression quicker than I expected.


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