A to Z Challenge
It is physically impossible for me to lie. I can exaggerate but lying? I’m not witty enough to do anything more than stretch or withhold the truth which are both versions of lying just slightly less worse. I also become consumed with absolute, soul sucking guilt and paranoia when I lie. What if they find out I lied? What if I got a detail wrong? What if I forget I lied next time we talk and give myself away? What if they figure out nothing adds up??
To make matters worse, I have visible physical “tells.” My ears and cheeks get red, I sweat, I start moving like I’m letting you finish talking before I politely excuse myself to go use the restroom. I also stutter. It’s like my brain is screaming at my mouth to stop saying words that aren’t true by forcing my jaw closed; so I sound like I’m talking through my teeth….lying through my teeth, haha.
I try hard to be as honest as possible. I know what it’s like to be lied to; who doesn’t? It’s a terrible feeling. You feel violated and start doubting yourself. How did I not know? I should have seen this coming. It was so obvious. Of course, we see this later, when the signs have left a thick residue behind to let you know they were there to forewarn you but you were too busy dealing with life to notice. These are the lies that hurt. People that cheat, steal, take advantage, and manipulate, lie all the time and they do the most damage. Sometimes it’s out of necessity, fear, guilt, or even (in their minds) to protect you. And sometimes you don’t understand why they weren’t just up front about the reason behind the manipulations. They could have just asked instead of conning or stealing. It makes little sense.
But nothing makes as little sense as lies that don’t matter at all. I honestly don’t think the average person cares what you’re doing over the weekend, especially if you’re not doing anything! If you feel the need to lie to someone about your dull weekend then you have two options:
- Obviously you’re ashamed of your life, or lack thereof, so go do something about it. Go to a museum, a cafe, a library, a bookstore or some place where being alone isn’t out of place. Take this time to find yourself.
- If you feel the need to impress someone with lies about your life, do everyone [most importantly yourself] a favor, and ditch this person in the dust of your awesomeness because being lame is more awesome than lying about a life you don’t have to people that obviously make you feel unnecessarily and inappropriately judged.
What if you know you’re being lied to?
I’m not good with advice, I like to think I’m wise but all I can do is say what I have done or would do. Personally, I like to let the liar go on long enough for me to build a good case against them. This doesn’t apply to every situation, but conversationally, I like to call people out at the end of spinning their ridiculous web of lies. If you’re telling me a story about a two ton tumbleweed rolling down a street in Phoenix, I’m going to let you finish that story and then I will harass you until you finally cave from mortification because you’re dumb, and it’s hilarious. This example is based off a true story, by the way.
One thing you don’t want to do is accuse someone of lying with little evidence to prove or disprove your accusation. For instance, we’ve all been afraid our S/O was cheating at some point. Don’t snoop. Snooping is not the answer (in most cases). You will find something but it’s likely it will be something you twist to fit your narrative. Like assuming a contact book was your dudes “little black book.” Sometimes people actually write numbers down…in a book…that just so happens to be little and black. It’s embarrassing to accuse someone of something because you’re impulsive and overreacting. I think we’ve all been there at least once.
I don’t like being lied to. I am an exceptionally loyal person. Once I feel I know someone, I trust them very easily and I have a hard time believing they’re doing me wrong. My mind can’t wrap around the concept. People talk behind each other’s backs, that’s not ok but it’s separate from lying for personal gain. If you’re cheating on me, stealing from me, or doing anything that makes you feel like lying is for my benefit, you need to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing. Not only will I be hurt when the truth comes out but you will too. I have two recent examples of this being true but are too long to explain. The first was an all around lie intended to do nothing but cause pain, a lie within a lie that literally destroyed what trust I had for this person. The other is a lie that continues to this day. I’m not sure what this person thinks she is doing but it’s not getting better, the lie is getting deeper…it’s to a point where I’m no longer sure if I made this up in my head like some Alex Jones conspiracy or if she truly believes I haven’t figured out the details and thinks it’s necessary to continue lying.
And this is why I say to confront the person, call them out on their lie. I confronted her but I did so with too much distance and room for her to grow. I didn’t want to believe and really there’s no more denying the truth. I guess waiting “to build a case” isn’t always wise. She’s got this lie wrapped so tightly around my head I can barely breathe when I try to sift through it.
Moral of the story, kids
Don’t lie, don’t let people lie to you, and don’t use one lie to cover the last.
You will get hurt.
You will hurt people you care about.
There will be repercussions and consequences.