The Emptiness of Later

Poetry Project #33

All Gone

I feel the pain as it grows thick
When will I stop feeling sick?
I can’t take paying the price
My wrist is begging to be sliced
I’m being haunted by a man
I try my hardest– do what I can
To get this pain out of my heart
With this torture I must part.

I took some pills
To picture hills
Where I can lay my weary head
Where I can wait until I’m dead
I want to kill myself right now
But all I do is ask how
How could I let this become of me?
Become so blind I cannot see?

I want to take it all away
But to where I cannot say
I know somewhere there is a place
Where I can bury my anemic face
To hide my tears as they fall
Away from me my pride does crawl
As I grow weaker every day
Most likely from this foul play.

Now as these pills are kicking in
I know I have committed a sin
I see the blood as it hits the floor
Then try to sleep– my head is sore
Once I wake and see the day
All my pain returns to play
I wish it all were just a dream
Knowing it wasn’t makes me scream.

Suicide won’t ease the pain
Yet happiness I cannot gain
A pill maybe can help me out
­»             But what about when
»                      they’re all gone?

April 11, 2001 (age: 17)

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